You can now buy a fart captured in a jar to give to that special someone, thanks to Farts Direct answering the nation’s most urgent need.
For many, it’s the worst thing in world having to go around the shops looking for that perfect present for that special somebody. However, Farts Direct have got you covered with their farts captured in a jar. Seriously, there’s no better way to express your feelings then a horrifying stench trapped in a jar.
The company has a variety of scents to choose from, such as ‘The Love Puff’, ‘Hanging Out Of Your Arse’ and ‘Curry Napalm’, which means you will surely find that perfect aroma to sum up your feelings for that special someone.
To guarantee they open the jar, pop a note inside to express your emotions which they will definitely want to read. If you can’t find the words to capture your feelings for that precious person, there’s also the option of gift wrap to show that little bit of effort.
The company website says: “Now imagine the look on their face when they realise they just inhaled an invisible turd. And once they’ve breathed in the surprise stench, you’re done. It’s the perfect way to tell someone how you truly feel without ever having to say a word.”
Ordering your fart in a jar is pretty darn simple, the first decision you will have to make is deciding on an aroma for the jar. After that, get your Shakespeare cap on and write some sweet nothings. After you’ve ordered, it’s all up to Farts Direct to ferment and ripen your chosen smell.
The company website explains their reason for such an unusual business venture: “For years, the notorious ‘Fart’ has been the topic of much hilarity and conversation. Flatulence, trump and bottom – burp are just a few expressions used in modern-day society for breaking wind. But still they are immensely funny… to the childish and immature (where’s the fun in growing up anyway?)
“Farting is a part of what beautiful mother nature created right? And we should be loud and proud about it!”
The UK home of farts in a jar also has an array of specially selected scents for those important life events and occasions, from the ‘Birthday Bottom Burp’ to the ‘Stag Do Stench.’ They’ll surely go down a putrid treat with your mates.
Karen from Frimley, a recipient of the fart jar, left a review on the website: “Whilst approaching my front door there was a lovely little package addressed to us both of which I thought “ah how lovely someone appreciates us!” However, I then proceeded to open it with great difficulty as it was so taped up I was beginning to think there was some kind of illegal substance inside.
“Once I eventually opened it and saw a sweaty little jar I immediately thought, before opening the jar, this is Hayley and Martin!
“Next, I opened the jar and thought what the actual **** is that smell?! I immediately regretted sticking my fingers inside to remove the little, wrapped piece of paper!
“It took me the rest of the day to wash the revolting smell off of my fingers that resembled the smell of what I can only imagine sticking my hand in a cow turd would smell like!!”
Fortunately, the nasty smell should only last over a week, depending on the temperature. If you want the smell to go away as fast as possible, make sure to keep the jar open. Longevity of the smell is increased when the jar remains closed. It’s probably a great idea to also not smell inside before you give it to the recipient, let the impact be as great as possible!
All of the jars are available for £9.99, and can be sent to your unlucky victim anonymously.
If you’re suffering from flatulence issues and would rather have as less smelly things in your life as possible, why don’t you check out charcoal-based underwear pads which neutralise those unpleasant smells.
Aimee is a Media & Communications graduate from Birmingham City University with a passion for everything related to cats, milkshakes and Oreo-flavoured consumables. You will often find Aimee typing furiously equipped with a Greggs’ sausage roll and a gingerbread man.