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‘Seagulling’ Is The Newest Dating Trend That Will Make You Want To Be Single Forever
Dating can feel like the Wild West at times, particularly with new trends like ‘seagulling,’ which is enough to make you want to stay single forever.
First it was all about banksying, which refers to the art of slowly withdrawing emotionally from a partner without communicating it to them.
Then we had Gen Z’s floodlighting method, which is all about sharing a lot of personal details just to ‘test the waters, speed up intimacy and see if the other person can handle you.’
It’s honestly a minefield out there, but the least we can do is prepare you for what might be greeting you in the big wide world of dating, and give you a few tips on how to spot when someone is taking you for a ride.
What is seagulling?
So what actually is seagulling and how can daters look out for it to make sure they don’t end up unlucky in love?
Well, according to Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., seagulling is ‘when you have no real romantic interest in a person but still keep others from him or her.’
Writing in Psychology Today, he continued: “It’s similar to the tendency of seagulls to grab food, whether or not they are hungry, simply because they don’t want others to get the food.
“Swap in another human for the seagull, you for the food, and romantic desire for the hunger, and you’re being seagulled by someone dating-wise.”
In simple terms, it means they don’t want you, but they don’t want anyone else to have you either. And let’s face it, most of us have experienced this at least once in our dating careers.
However, in seagulling specifically, the perpetrators are intentionally misleading you, which means you might actually have no idea that they’re not fully into you, or have no plans to commit any further to a potential relationship.
In fact, they probably will be outright conning you by giving you just enough affection to stop you turning your head to others, while not giving you any more energy than absolutely necessary.
While you might be thinking this toxic behaviour only relates to the beginning of a relationship, you would be sadly mistaken.
Lee explained: “Seagulling can come at the other end of a relationship too, namely, the end of a relationship.
“The seagull may have long lost interest in you or even broken up with you. But the seagull may keep hanging around, making it more difficult for you to move on and find someone else.”
How to spot when someone is seagulling you
Given the fact that seagulling is intentionally misleading, it can be really tricky to spot when you’re in the thick of it.
Fortunately, however, there are three telltale signs to spot whether a partner might be playing you for a fool.
Inconsistent behaviour
The first sign of seagulling is a partner who is inconsistent in the way they treat you. They might be keen chat, texting you all the time and appearing present while you’re together one day, but feeling much more cold and distant the next.
This is a confusion tactic, similar to bread crumbing, giving you just enough to keep you hooked, without them actually needing to meet all your needs and desires.
It also means that when they do give you affection, you’re going to savour it and appreciate it all the more, leaving you in a toxic cycle.
You might also find that if you do try and walk away, they ramp up the affection to drag you back in with false promises, making it feel impossible to properly walk away.
They make it difficult to move on
As we’ve just mentioned, when it comes to seagulling, it’s all about giving just enough to prevent you from moving on, all while they’re probably looking elsewhere themselves.
So, if any time you try and date someone new or you take interest in another person, your ex pops back up, that’s seagulling right in action.
They haven’t introduced you to family or friends
Look, you don’t need us to tell you this is a red flag in itself, but in this particular instance, it can be a sign of seagulling because they’re not committing to a proper relationship with you.
They earn a bonus red flag if they refuse to post you on social media too, as coupled with not meeting loved ones, it probably means you’re a secret, making it easier for them to date other people and keep up the double standards.
Related Article: ‘Mankeeping’ Is The New Reason Women Have Given Up On Dating
Related Article: Gen Z’s New Dating Trend ‘Floodlighting’ Explained By Psychologist
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