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‘Shrekking’ May Ruin Your Love Life, Expert Warns
A new relationship trend called ‘Shrekking’ is making waves on social media, but experts are warning that this approach to romance could backfire spectacularly.
From ‘phubbing‘ to ‘throning,’ there are a lot of things you could be doing wrong in your relationships.
However, there’s a troubling twist to the latest real-world dating strategy.
The emergence of terms like ‘Shrekking’ reflects deeper issues in contemporary romance.
Amy Chan tells USA Today that the proliferation of such dating terminology demonstrates widespread frustration with modern relationships.
“Modern dating has gotten so complicated that we need new words just to describe what’s happening to us,” she observes.
“It’s like we’ve made dating struggles part of our public conversation in a way that just didn’t happen before.”
‘Shrekking’ refers to the practice of intentionally dating someone you consider less physically attractive than yourself, with the assumption that they’ll treat you better than more conventionally attractive partners.
The term draws inspiration from the beloved 2001 animated film Shrek, where beautiful Princess Fiona finds happiness with the green ogre.
“In this plotline, you’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment,” explains Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of ‘Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.’
The issue isn’t with giving someone a chance based on personality over looks – it’s the problematic assumption that comes with it.
“Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing,” Chan notes.
“Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better.”
This mentality has gained traction on social media, with one TikTok user explaining the phenomenon: “We’ve all been there. We give the guy we’re not attracted to a chance, thinking that he will for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatized by a whole troll.”
The trend highlights a fundamental misunderstanding about relationships: the belief that you can predict how someone will treat you based solely on their appearance.
Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert at Seeking.com, points out that this assumption is not only wrong but potentially harmful, per the New York Post.
“In reality, appearances and character are not linked, and if someone treats you poorly, they should be seen as unattractive to you, regardless of their looks,” Hathorn explains.
The ‘Shrekking’ mindset also creates another problem: it may discourage people from genuinely connecting with someone outside their usual ‘type’ out of fear that the experience won’t go well.
“The idea is that you stepped outside your comfort zone, but instead of being rewarded with growth or connection, you wound up regretting the experience,” Hathorn says.
“When two people are genuinely driven towards a similar goal and values, they can find an attraction in each other that surprises them and refutes the shallower factors like physical type and societal expectations.”
For those who have experienced disappointment after lowering their physical standards, experts advise against abandoning the strategy entirely.
Instead, they recommend developing better evaluation skills that go beyond surface-level judgments.
“For those who’ve been ‘Shrekked,’ the goal isn’t to retreat back to only dating conventionally attractive people; it’s to develop better assessment skills for character, values, and emotional availability regardless of what package they come in,” Chan advises.
The key is to use these experiences as opportunities to identify your true non-negotiables in a partner – qualities that have nothing to do with physical appearance but everything to do with how they treat you and align with your values.
“Physical attraction matters in romantic relationships, but it shouldn’t be the inverse predictor of good treatment that some people assume it to be,” Chan concludes.
Related Article: Gen Z’s New Dating Trend ‘Floodlighting’ Explained By Psychologist
Related Article: ‘Mankeeping’ Is The New Reason Women Have Given Up On Dating
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