Credit: @nikkiboyer/Instagram & @dying4s**/Instagram
Woman Left Husband And Slept With 200 Men After Terminal Diagnosis
A woman who left her husband and slept with 200 men after a terminal diagnosis shared a heartbreaking final message.
When 42-year-old Molly Kochan was told her breast cancer had spread to her bones, brain, and liver, she did something few could imagine: she left her husband of 15 years and embarked on what she called a ‘s**ual journey of exploration.’
Ultimately, she slept with nearly 200 men before her death in 2019.
Kochan’s remarkable accounts of chasing joy in the face of terminal illness later became the basis of a hit podcast, a memoir, and an FX television miniseries.
Diagnosis that changed everything
Kochan was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 and underwent aggressive treatment including chemotherapy, radiation and a double mastectomy, per MailOnline.
For a time, it appeared she might beat the disease, but in 2015 her world was shattered when doctors revealed the cancer had returned and was now terminal.
Rather than respond by retreating, Kochan felt her life open in an unexpected direction.
As she later admitted on her podcast, hormone therapy had a surprising effect on her libido: “I literally wanted to hump everyone and everything that I saw. I was h***y all of the time. I felt like a teenager again.”
With this new surge of s**ual energy—and the realization that she had limited time left—Kochan took a bold step: she ended her ‘loveless’ marriage, downloaded several dating apps, and made the choice to pursue pleasure unapologetically.
Molly Kochan’s award-winning podcast
As she told listeners: “S** makes me feel alive, and it’s a great distraction from being sick. I don’t think I would do any of this stuff without the cancer. Even though I’d maybe want to, I’d be a little more cautious about everything.”
Her mission wasn’t simply about s**; it was about reclaiming her sense of self, her body, and her autonomy.
Kochan often said that she hadn’t wanted cancer to define her. On her blog, she explained: “I liked not identifying with the disease. Not having people look at me with pity or sorrow.”
But when treatments intensified, she could no longer hide the truth: “Holding on to the secret of what I was going through became more difficult than having to field potentially awkward reactions.”
Kochan’s transformation wasn’t only physical, it was deeply emotional, too.
In a 2016 blog post, she listed the many things that ‘used to weigh’ on her, including caring too much about others’ perceptions, per Yahoo.
One major shift stood out: “Getting (romantically) crazy about people before I know them.”
She confessed that in earlier years she would ‘obsess about when they were going to call, if they were going to call,’ but her terminal diagnosis changed something fundamental.
She learned to detach and set boundaries: “Somewhere along the line I decided I don’t need to get attached unless you give me a good reason to do so. And that reason takes time to show itself.”
This newfound clarity applied to dating as well. If a man didn’t call her back, she remained ‘unphased,’ saying: “If someone doesn’t know me, how can their lack of interest be personal? And if on some level it is personal, good to know sooner rather than later.”
Kochan’s memoir and TV series
Alongside her best friend Nikki Boyer, Kochan began documenting her life in the six-part Wondery podcast Dying for S**.
The project captured everything, her s**ual escapades, her struggles with treatment, and her reflections on trauma and healing.
Kochan even joked that she was the perfect date for ‘commitment phobes,’ at one point asking over a hospital meal: “What are you going to do? Kill me? I’m dying!”
She stopped keeping track of partners after 183, though she later admitted to sleeping with roughly 200 men.
Her memoir ‘Screw Cancer: Becoming Whole,’ published posthumously, explored her beliefs about s**uality as a source of empowerment.
She wrote that s** ‘has connected me to my body and to life,’ and helped her shift ‘from an emotionally heavy person into a much lighter one.’
Her story eventually caught the attention of TV creator Elizabeth Meriwether, leading to the FX miniseries Dying for S**, starring Michelle Williams. Nikki Boyer, who had stayed by Kochan’s side until her final days, served as executive producer.
Kocan’s passing
After Kochan passed away on 8 March 2019 at age 45, a final blog entry she had prepared, titled ‘I have died,’ was released.
It contained no clichéd inspirations, no bucket-list mandates. “I don’t have those kinds of life lessons to share. I know what I did at the end of my life. I know what brought me joy. But my list would surely not affect you.”
She reflected on the friends who drifted away and those she drifted from: “People are going to do whatever they’re going to do regardless of what they want to want. Even me.”
In one of her most touching metaphors, she described her final days as a small, fragile raft: “I likened it to a death dinghy. As I floated farther from the shore, I knew one more body would throw off the beautiful balance and safety I worked hard to create.”
Kochan once joked: “I wish I could cap off the whirlwind hospital story with an amazing tale about a guy who swept me off my feet… but my visitor never showed up.”
Then she added: “I realize I did get to fall in love. I am in love. With me.”
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