An intimacy therapist has revealed the four things you should 'never' do with your partner in the bedroom.

Dating & Relationships

S** Therapist Reveals Four Things You Should ‘Never’ Do With Your Partner In The Bedroom

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10:21 16 May 2025

Updated: 13:17 16 May 2025


An intimacy therapist has revealed the four things you should ‘never’ do with your partner in the bedroom.

Vanessa Marin, a California-based therapist known for offering candid advice to her nearly one million followers on social media, recently shared the top four things she refuses to do in her own romantic relationship.

Drawing from her two decades of professional experience and her work with thousands of couples, Marin outlined these personal boundaries in a widely viewed video titled: “Things I won’t do to my partner as a s** therapist.”

Vanessa Marin
An intimacy therapist has revealed the four things you should ‘never’ do with your partner in the bedroom. Credit: @vanessaandxander/TikTok

The first point Marin highlights is that she never lets her husband take full responsibility for initiating ‘simply because he’s the man.’

She firmly states: “No way.” Although research often shows that men are more likely to initiate, Marin emphasizes that changing things up and balancing this dynamic is beneficial for both partners.

Secondly, she stresses that she would never make her husband feel guilty if he’s not in the mood.

Addressing the issue of rejection, another therapist, Azizeh Rezaiyan from Silicon Valley, echoes this sentiment per MailOnline.

bedroom
Vanessa Marin outlined these personal boundaries in a widely viewed video titled: “Things I won’t do to my partner as a s** therapist.” Credit: Adobe Stock

She explains that failing to respect a partner’s need for space can lead to negative associations with s**.

Rezaiyan advises: “It’s easy to read into things, assuming your partner is cheating, or not attracted to you, but that’s not a rabbit hole worth going into.”

The third boundary Marin sets involves communication.

She refuses to stay silent about her desires out of fear of hurting her partner’s feelings.

Licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White supports this approach, emphasizing that open dialogue fosters intimacy and growth: “If you are able to ask for what you desire and make clear what you would like your partner to avoid, the chances of enjoying higher levels of s**ual and relational satisfaction multiply exponentially.”

Vanessa Marin
Vanessa Marin, a California-based therapist known for offering candid advice to her nearly one million followers on social media, recently shared the top four things she refuses to do in her own romantic relationship. Credit: @vanessaandxander/TikTok

Jennifer Gill Rosier and psychologist James Tyler, who studied s**ual communication among 40 couples, found that when couples practiced open and respectful communication, both intimacy and satisfaction increased.

They noted that fear around discussing s** decreased as a result of the training.

Marin’s final point is that she would never make her husband feel blamed or ashamed if he experiences performance issues.

She makes it clear that she avoids pouting, crying, or accusing him of a lack of attraction.

As therapist Sara Makin warns, such behavior can be damaging.

“Repeated false accusations can come across as controlling behavior,” she says, which may lead to emotional withdrawal.

Marin concludes with a message of compassion: “If you feel like I mentioned something that you or your partner currently struggle with, please remember to show yourself kindness — these things are challenging.”

She encourages couples to work together, patiently and respectfully, to build a mutually supportive relationship.

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