Annie Walton Doyle
An author and educator has been forced to defend herself after saying parents should ask babies for permission before changing their nappies.
Sexuality expert Deanne Carson made the controversial comment on an ABC News segment on consent laws.
The expert said parents should ‘set up a culture of consent’ as early as possible. An example of this was: “‘I’m going to change your nappy now, is that OK?'”
She said although a baby isn’t going to reply to the parent, there are other ways to give consent, explaining: “But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact then you’re letting that child know that their response matters.”
Carson’s viewpoint has sparked a huge debate on social media.
One person writes: “I can remember saying things like, ‘Time to change the diaper! Or someone has wet pants! Or let’s get a clean diapy on!’ But asking an infant permission? The level of crazy that reaches is actually inconceivable.”
Another adds: “Really – when their nappy needs changing they cry and that’s their way of telling you! What is the world coming to?”
“When a baby cries that’s because often they are asking to be changed as it’s the only way they can communicate that they are uncomfortable. If you don’t change a child that is neglect,” a third points out.
Someone else questions: “What if they say no, do we just leave them to get a nappy rash?”
However, others have defended Carson’s point, with one penning: “I am fully supportive of the idea of asking for consent to change a child’s nappy and giving them time to process the request. Well done for starting a difficult topic of conversation.”
A second person comments: “I don’t ask consent to change nappies. But as an early childhood educator responsible for changing the nappies of other people’s children, I do make a point of explaining to each child as I am taking them to the changing room exactly what my intentions are and what will be occurring. Not because the child necessarily has a choice in the matter, but because I value the relationship I have with each child.”
Katie Russell, a spokesperson for the non-profit s**ual violence organisation R*** Crisis England and Wales, has defended Carson.
She tells Newsweek: “She’s simply making the very reasonable case for establishing a ‘culture of consent’ in households and with children from the youngest possible age.
“This is about both getting parents and carers into positive habits of not assuming consent from their children and about teaching children that they have a right to decide what happens to their bodies.”
Likewise, parenting coach Julie Romanowski says there are situations where parents have insisted their children do something, rather than asked them.
“Asking a child for a hug rather than insisting on one, is a form of respect for that person – no matter the age, big or small. It is proper etiquette and the greatest form of respect to their rights to their bodies and life,” she explains, per Global News.
Carson also spoke out and addressed the intense backlash.
The expert wrote on the New Matilda website that she’s been overwhelmed by the response and the ‘vile messages’ that keep flooding in.
“The point of my comment was not to suggest you need a baby’s consent to change a nappy. When it comes to health, hygiene and safety, there are some things that are not negotiable,” she clarified.
“The strategy is about modelling active communication between two people in intimate or vulnerable moments from a young age. Showing a child what care in those spaces looks like, creating a family culture where the skills needed to negotiate consent as adults are embedded into everyday interactions.”
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