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S** Therapist Of 45 Years Reveals Exact Reason People Cheat
A therapist is revealing the exact reason why people cheat in relationships.
Infidelity is one of the most painful betrayals in any relationship, but why do people do it?
After years of working with thousands of couples behind closed doors, a seasoned s** therapist is pulling back the curtain on the real reason people cheat.
We’ve already seen a private investigator revealing the cheating sign people always miss, and another who claims men always do one thing that gives their infidelity away.
Another online detective shared the four major signs of cheating, while a divorce lawyer has revealed the jobs that she thinks tend to lead to unfaithfulness.
But while we may have figured out how to uncover cheating, there’s still a big question to answer – why?
Well, after four and a half decades as a therapist, renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel has the answer.
A recent Techopedia study reveals that the U.S. leads global infidelity rates, with 71% admitting to cheating, especially in Texas, Nebraska, and Alabama.
Workplace affairs account for 31%, and infidelity increases with job seniority. While men cheat slightly more than women, the reasons differ: men often seek variety or gratification, while women tend to feel emotionally neglected.
Definitions of cheating vary, with many American women considering even emotional intimacy a betrayal. Infidelity often leads to divorce, emotional harm, and regret, highlighting the complex personal and societal impact of cheating.
Perel has witnessed countless relationships crumble.
While most people assume cheating stems from lust, validation-seeking, or alcohol-fueled poor decisions, Perel’s extensive experience has revealed a deeper, more troubling truth about why partners stray.
According to Perel, per the Telegraph, the primary driver of infidelity isn’t passion; it’s the absence of it.
She identifies ‘deadness’ as the main reason people cheat, a state that develops when couples allow their intimacy to smother their passion or when their lack of presence convinces their partner they no longer care.
“Sometimes those have to do with the relationship, sometimes it’s rejection, betrayal, disconnection, or alienation. Loneliness is a big one,” Perel explains.
“Other times, the reasons are internal and have little to do with the relationship itself.”
This deadness manifests in subtle but devastating ways.
Consider the couple who goes out with friends, where one partner engages in animated conversation about films, music, or experiences, only to retreat into mundane logistics on the drive home.
The transition from ‘What did you think about that documentary?’ to ‘Who’s picking up Johnny tomorrow?’ represents the slow suffocation of curiosity and connection.
Perel believes the key to preventing or recovering from infidelity lies in cultivating ‘aliveness,’ a quality that can be sparked through curiosity and what she calls ‘differentiation.’
This concept involves active engagement with the unknown and maintaining a sense of discovery within established relationships.
“It’s about opening yourself up to the possibility that you don’t know your partner as well as you think,” she suggests.
“Instead of settling into a cozy routine, why not have a conversation about something interesting beyond what we want from each other?”
Incorporating play into relationships serves as another crucial element in maintaining connection.
This doesn’t necessarily mean grand gestures or expensive vacations. Instead, it involves taking small risks, sharing interesting stories, creating new rituals, or simply trying different foods together.
“It’s about giving your partner the chance to see you and themselves in a new light,” Perel explains. These moments of novelty and discovery help couples break free from the predictable patterns that can lead to emotional distance.
One of the most liberating insights Perel offers concerns the futile pursuit of making your partner exactly like you.
Long-term relationship success doesn’t require perfect alignment of interests or values.
“People often say, ‘I want what is important to me to be important to you too,'” she notes.
“You can’t make someone be exactly like you. You accept your differences and understand that someone can do something for you that means nothing to them, and you can do things for your partner even if you’re not interested yourself.”
Perel also reminds us that infidelity isn’t a modern phenomenon.
“Infidelity has been around since marriage was invented,” she states, acknowledging that people stray for numerous reasons.
However, understanding and treating ‘relationship deadness’ provides couples with a concrete target for intervention.
Related Article: Reason So Many Straight Men Cheat On Their Wives With Other Men
Related Article: People Divided Over Whether This Controversial Act Counts As Cheating
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