Experts Are Warning ‘Rebecca Syndrome’ Could Be Destroying Your Relationships
Psychotherapists are raising alarms about a condition known as ‘Rebecca Syndrome,’ which is increasingly affecting romantic relationships.
This term has gained traction in recent years, with mental health professionals observing a notable rise in inquiries related to the condition.
So what is ‘Rebecca Syndrome’ – and how can we avoid it?
In a recent blog post, psychotherapist Toby Ingham describes Rebecca Syndrome as a fixation on a partner’s previous romantic relationships.
This fixation often leads to a cycle of jealousy, as individuals obsess over the ex-partners of their current significant others.
The term was inspired by Daphne du Maurier’s 1938 Gothic novel, ‘Rebecca,’ which tells the story of a young woman plagued by insecurities and jealousy stemming from her husband’s late wife, Rebecca.
You might have seen the 2020 Netflix film adaptation with Lily James.
This narrative reflects how personal insecurities can manifest in unhealthy dynamics within a relationship.
Also referred to as retroactive jealousy, this condition manifests as intense feelings of jealousy directed at a partner’s former lover.
A 2017 study by Superdrug revealed that approximately 66.7% of individuals in relationships have searched for information about their partner’s ex, a number that slightly decreases to 65.8% among married couples.
Jacqui Gabb, PhD, a sociology and intimacy professor at The Open University, explained to Women’s Health that the prevalence of retroactive jealousy has intensified due to social media, which allows ex-partners to remain present in our lives, even when not in close contact.
Ingham notes that the term has been increasingly popular on Google since 2018, with many individuals self-identifying their experiences as symptoms of this ‘obsessional problem.’
He emphasizes the dangers of this mindset, stating, ‘Not a good idea,’ as it can lead to significant emotional turmoil.
Signs of Rebecca Syndrome can be identified when an individual becomes irrationally jealous of their partner’s past.
This often includes comparing themselves to previous lovers regarding physical appearance, intelligence, and sexual experiences.
Such comparisons can breed insecurity, prompting individuals to question their worthiness and the strength of their current relationship.
This incessant fixation can lead to what Ingham refers to as ‘obsessional neurosis,’ a state where the mind is overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts, images, or ideas that dominate one’s mental landscape.
The origins of retroactive jealousy are often traced back to childhood experiences rather than the current relationship itself.
Ingham explains that early emotional wounds, such as feeling overlooked by a parent or experiencing exclusion within the family unit, can manifest in adult relationships.
These unresolved issues can lead individuals to project their insecurities onto their partners, which in turn can disrupt the relationship’s dynamics.
“While these early problems will be unique to each of us, they may, for example, relate to our having felt overlooked by a parent who preferred one of our siblings to us,” Ingham told MailOnline.
“Or perhaps to problems feeling we were unimportant or excluded in our birth family.”
“Ask yourself whether your anxiety and intrusive thoughts about feeling less important to your partner than their former partners may really relate to your own past rather than being about your current relationship,” Ingham advises.
Ingham elaborated in an interview with Vice: “What were the sibling relationships? What was the parental relationship?”
This self-reflection is crucial for understanding the root causes of these feelings and working through them in a constructive manner.
In the age of social media, the potential for Rebecca Syndrome to arise is amplified.
A 2018 interview-based study highlighted that social media platforms allow users to easily access details about their partner’s past relationships.
This easy access can exacerbate feelings of jealousy and insecurity, as individuals may encounter reminders of their partner’s previous romantic encounters.
Ingham cautions that if individuals find it difficult to leave the past behind, they should avoid discussing it altogether.
He stresses the importance of not delving into conversations about a partner’s past, particularly regarding sexual histories, as this can often lead to unnecessary conflict and emotional distress.
“Oversharing at the start of a new relationship often comes back to haunt us,” he concludes.
He also advises being cautious with mood-altering substances like alcohol or drugs, stating: “They tend to disturb our emotional stability. If we suffer from these kinds of jealousies and insecurities and we drink or take drugs, we’re laying ourselves open to more acute experiences of jealousy.”
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