Woman Has Loving Message To Share After Discovering Husband Of 15 Years Is Gay

A woman who discovered that her husband of 15 years was gay has shared a powerful and loving message on a television chat show. 

Carolyn Hobdey, from North Yorkshire, appeared on Channel 4’s Steph’s Packed Lunch on Monday, January 18, to open up about the breakdown of her marriage with her husband of 15 years.

She said that the pair had met while on a training course and in 2000, had tied the knot. She told host Steph McGovern that they had been “really happy” together and felt that they were a “great match”.

Carolyn said that she had “no inkling whatsoever” that her husband was actually gay and she hadn’t felt that there was a “lack of intimacy” in the relationship.

She said: “I didn’t really realise that anything was missing from my marriage or that anything was wrong – and somebody else walked into my life and that changed a lot for me.

“I ended up having an affair with that person and I thought that the end of our marriage was entirely my fault. And I took that blame for a really, really long time.

Six years later, Carolyn said that her husband’s behaviour began to change and she then discovered that he was having an affair with a man.

She continued: “To start with I felt really relieved because it suddenly made a whole load of things make a whole load of sense in terms of what had gone on in our relationship. So initially I felt relieved.

“I actually felt quite sad for him that he’d hidden it for all this time. I was actually his second wife, so he’d been going through this for quite some time.”

For a while, Carolyn admitted to feeling “really angry” on the behalf of her family. She felt like a part of her life had been “stolen” from her.

Yet over time, she said that she soon became “huge friends” with her husband, despite learning how he really felt.

Carolyn explained: “I think sometimes you have to make some choices. I’m not saying it was easy, I was really angry.

“But then I just realised that all those things that were great about him, the things that I loved – his sense of humour, his intellect and how well we got on – I had to make a choice about did I just let all of that go, do I lose all those 15 years, or do I take something away from this?”

She continued: “He was still the person that I fell in love with despite what had happened and, while I loved him in a different way than I had when we were together, I still loved him.

“Just keeping that relationship and staying friends seemed more important than any anger or hurt I had.”

She has encouraged others who are in a similar situation to please see the “bigger picture”.

She added: “You once loved and cared about that person, don’t let your anger and your hurt become the thing that you take forward and destroy you.

“What you have to take forward is that sense of you loved that person and you’re a good person because you loved them and you cared for them.

“That’s who you are, you’re not just the other half of somebody who turned out to be gay.”

Featured Image Credit: Channel 4